Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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