Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
