Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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