He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
