just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
