At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
