OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
