i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
