RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
there is puke in my bra ... again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
