shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
