You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
