somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
