Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
