I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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