Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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