We're like a lot better than the average bears
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
