Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
