I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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