he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
