Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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