So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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