What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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