In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
