im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What a dumb baby whore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
