he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
