The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
