So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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