My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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