i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
