I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was confusing and full of hummus
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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