forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
