ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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