is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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