your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
