The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
