addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
