My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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