I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
