I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
