Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
