I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I understand Curling. That high.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
