i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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