i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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