remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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