Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
