I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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