i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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