I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
