I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
