It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
