We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
