love makes seman taste better
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
