My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
