the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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