Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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