You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
