hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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